Harry Potter and the Skin Flake Confetti
by StupidSequel
Summary: A direct sequel to Harry's Motherhood. Harry finds an unusual, morbid way to celebrate his kid's birthday party, and Albus Severus is being picked on by bullies. Meanwhile, the Hogwarts staff are still on patrol.
1. Most of the story

**Harry Potter 9: Harry Potter and the Skin Flake Confetti**

(AN: This is the official sequel to my other Harry Potter fanfic, Harry Potter 8: Harry's Motherhood. Harry Potter goes to Hell is not part of this timeline. All the characters now have a Jamaican accent. If you haven't seen Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2 yet, you will be so confused by the title because a major part of the plot was inspired by the cool CGI effects of Voldemort's death that was obviously meant for a 3D movie, but I saw the regular version! I am officially lame now! Bleh!)

It was almost time for Secret of NIMH 2's 12th birthday party, just about 3 days away (If you're confused, go read Harry Potter 8. I'm not gonna waste any time recapping events).

"You still haven't enrolled me in Hogwarts yet. I think Albus Severus is your favorite kid. If I go to Hogwarts anytime, I'm gonna be called 'old' by all the other first year students because they're 11 and I'm 12. Albus Severus is near the end of his first year." There are no dormitories anymore. Everyone goes on the Hogwarts Express to and from school everyday from 7:40 AM to 2:20 PM just like in real public school. This was in a direct response to Albus Severus getting picked on by bullies since the get go, and the Hogwarts staff were worried about overprotective parents. Yes, Albus Severus was here at home.

"I wish McGonagall would ever comfort me, but she has mysteriously disappeared. You always tell me how much awesome she is to you, Harry." Harry remembered the letter from the Ministry of Magic he had gotten in the mail sometime after Ginny turned Harry into a wizard. Perhaps it was time to face his punishment and clear his conscience. He got it out of the trash and read it.

_Dear Harry,_

_ McGonagall, Flitwick, person 3, and Slughorn have been trying to track you down ever since the battle against the Death Eaters at Hogwarts. If you come forward, we will alert them and they can give you the detention you deserve for cutting school in your seventh year. If you do not come forward, we will send you to Azkaban for life. Love, The Ministry of Magic_

"But I saved the world, and this is how THEY repay me?" (AN: any inconsistencies that happen from HP 8 are not because of me being inattentive, but because I really wanted the plot to go a certain way, and when I wrote HP8, I didn't think I'd be writing a HP 9.) "Well, I do feel bad about cutting school in my seventh year, and I do feel like I missed out on a lot." Harry felt ready to turn himself in.

"Do you remember my upcoming birthday party?" Secret of NIMH 2 pressed. "I wanted to have it at Chuck Norris E. Cheeses. I want confetti and balloons and booze and canned cat food." His birthday party was scheduled for June 6th. It was June 5th." Harry Potter knew where to find three of those things: balloons at Factory Card Outlet, Booze at Booze R Us, and canned cat food from the new canned cat food thick burger at Hardee's. That thing was about six inches thick! Hardees sure takes pride in their thick burgers, don't they? Confetti was increasingly difficult to come by lately. He was so engrossed in his quest to find a store with confetti that he forgot that he was gonna come forward about having cut school in his final year at Hogwarts.

When he finally checked every single store in the city of Brambleton, England, he gave up. There was no confetti anywhere.

"AVADA KEDAVRA," he heard a wizard shout, a wizard who sounded a lot like Albus Severus. "That's what you get for picking on me, for I shall become the next Voldemort, make EVERYONE suffer, especially the Harry Potter boy, who helped make me!" Harry froze as a nerdy fellow plopped down dead next to his feet.

"Hey, dad. Sup, dawg?" Albus Severus said casually.

"You don't want to kill me, do you?"

"Well, I could finish you off right now with avada kedavra, but it would be too easy. Maybe I should do it blind folded?"

"Is this how you deal with bullies, Albus Severus?"

"My name is Voldemort 2, and yes." Albus Severus's nose kinda melted inward as he said those words so he now kinda looked like Voldemort.

"AVADA KEDAVRA," Harry Potter killed his own son. His son turned into skin flake confetti, in the same way that *spoiler warning* Voldemort did in the very last Harry Potter film. *end spoiler warning* Harry opened his mouth and tried to catch as much of the skin flake confetti as he could in his mouth since he didn't have a jar. Well, that solves the confetti problem.

June 6th, they went to Secret of NIMH 2's birthday party at Chuck Norris E. Cheeses (the mascot is a muscular looking rat that looks like he's doing a roundhouse kick and he looks like he's working a math problem that involves division by zero). Secret of NIMH 2's public school friends (he was going to public school instead of Hogwarts) were all invited. As Secret of NIMH 2 was blowing out the candles on his cake, Harry opened his mouth to release all the skin flake confetti. It was not enough, the looks on the party guests' countenances revealed that to be the absolute truth. Harry was at a loss.

"AVADA KEDAVRA," Harry chanted. He killed the waiter and the waiter exploded into skin flake confetti. All the kids cheered and clapped. He did it again. And again. And again. And again. Not with the waiter again, but with a bunch of random kids. "AVADA KEDAVRA!" Oops! He accidentally pointed his wand at Ginny, who subsequently exploded into a firestorm of confetti. The kids still clapped, including Secret of NIMH 2. "God dammit... ummm... Heavysteppus Kennyus." He pointed his wand at the confetti pile that used to be Ginny, and sure enough, the confetti pile formed into a fully functional Ginny. Harry acted as if nothing out of the ordinary happened.

On the way home, Secret of NIMH 2 was excited, as if he had his first kiss while riding the new roller coaster opening the new year while knowing that he got straight A's in Calculus and Chemistry while having read 'The Last Hope' while... you get the idea.

"That was the best kick ass party ever! I wish everyday was my birthday! Chuck Norris E. Cheeses is better than Holiday World. Heck, even better than Heaven! When I die, I wanna go to Chuck Norris E. Cheeses, for I worship that big muscular rat now. I believe he died on the cross for my sins. Harry, Ginny, you guys are wizards, right? Can you use a magic spell that can make everyday be my birthday? If you don't, I will miss the like button on one of your videos on YouTube." Harry Potter had a YouTube account. It was Conjopisux (if anyone registers with that name in real life, it is merely a coincidence). Best username ever! Harry's hands were tied because so far none of his videos ever got any dislikes. In fact, his most viewed video was one of Al Qaeda attacking Senate Bill 978.

"That can be arranged," Harry said before he could stop himself. The truth was, he had no idea how to make everyday be his birthday. He felt like he just made a promise he could not keep. _What am I gonna do? Wait. I did say it CAN be arranged, not that it WILL be arranged. But if I tell him I can't do it, that's gonna break his cute little heart._

After Harry asked Ginny if she wanted to have a baby everyday, and she said no, Harry was at a loss. He still had the female anatomy from his sex change operation. _Oh yeah. _He cut himself open with a buzzsaw in the basement and stuffed Secret of NIMH 2 inside himself. The next day he was pregnant with Secret of NIMH 2... again.

"Today is your birthday. So was yesterday." Harry told him. Secret of NIMH 2 raised his arms and jumped up and down like a cheerleader.

Back to Chuck Norris E. Cheeses they went (it was also where Secret of NIMH 2 went to church.) Harry murdered more people for that sacred confetti, and Secret of NIMH 2 had the best birthday party ever once again.

That night, Harry opened himself up again so Secret of NIMH 2 could climb inside and the next day Harry was pregnant with Secret of NIMH 2. Rinse and repeat. Each day was better than the previous.

Eventually there came a point where Secret of NIMH 2's birthday party was so awesome, it was a tough act to follow, such that the only way to live up to the excitement of the previous party was to make it exactly like the previous party so he could have two perfect days in a row (anything different from the routine would be not such a perfect day), and eventually he experienced so many exactly identical birthday parties that he finally grew bored (he didn't think it would ever happen) and he wanted all three of the Deathly Hallows so he could conquer death and not have to spend eternity at Chuck Norris E. Cheeses where he was already bored. Harry chuckled at the thought that skipping school brought greater consequences than killing a bunch of random people in a Chuck E. Cheeses type place.

"Sorry, boi, but I broke the Elder Wand in half years ago, so there's only two deathly hallows now." Harry reminded him.

"Then plan B. I must find the Philosopher's stone. I hear that anyone who holds it gains immortality."

"If you want it, it's still at Hogwarts."

"Never mind. They're gonna kick me out because of my name." Secret of NIMH 2 made a sour face as he said it. "I will never give my life up to save anyone else's. EVER!" He was stuck. But it was all too clear to him suddenly what to do.

He did the same birthday party routine so many times now that time seemed to fly by so fast that it was all nothing but a blur, so now he didn't ever have to remember any of it.

Meanwhile the quartet of Hogwarts staff were frustrated.

"Why haven't the dementors done anything yet?" Slughorn demanded.

"Dude, chillax. Dementors have been illegal since prohibition. They only cracked down now because we were unlucky." McGonagall reminded him.

The quartet stormed into the police station.

"YOU COCKSUCKERS!" McGonagall shouted at the police. They were sucking on and biting the heads off of live roosters. "Um, why are you sucking and eating cocks?"

"Cause some hoodlum took all our donuts." Replied the police officer. "And these are some mighty fine organic roosters fresh from the farm."

"Yeah, we thought we were gonna starve to death because all we ever eat is donuts, and there are a finite quantity of donuts in the universe."

"Well I want you to repeal the law because there is a boy with a lightning shaped scar on the loose and he needs to go to Azkaban for cutting school."

"No can do. Dementors in the real world equals shit hitting the fan for us Muggles. I wouldn't wanna be a wizard or a witch because I love not being burned alive."

The Hogwarts staff were now back to square one. They were once again reduced to looking around randomly for Harry Potter and the two parties never so much as even crossed paths. Ever. This is the last I shall speak of the Hogwarts staff, I promise, and if I am to break my promise, feel free to break everything I own. If I point a finger, feel free to bend it back or break it off, or point me to the mirror.

Meanwhile, Harry asked Secret of NIMH 2 how his 695st birthday party was. Secret of NIMH 2 didn't remember it at all because time seemed to pass so quickly it was all literally just a blur, like riding on a high way at about 300% of the speed limit and not fixing your eyes on any particular object. Secret of NIMH 2 confessed that he suspected that immortality would be like this at some point. He wondered what his afterlife would be like if it was a constant blur all the time. So Harry aimed his wand at Secret of NIMH 2 and yelled 'Avada Kedavra' and Secret of NIMH 2 turned into skin flake confetti. Chuck Norris E. Cheeses, here he comes. Except...


	2. Conclusion

instead he died and went to hell.


End file.
